As Thanksgiving Day approached I looked back over the year and realized that this holiday would not be a time just to eat turkey, spend time with family, and say thanks for the usual things. This holiday is a bit more solemn because we have had seven hospitalizations in the family during the past year; each of my grandfathers have had two surgeries; my grandmother had an abscessed tooth that developed multiple complications and left her with a rash from head to toe, which she took pictures of because she thought no one would believe her. (I know this sounds strange, but if I had not seen the pictures I would not have realized how severe her reaction to the antibiotic was.) The first half of the year was my turn to have health issues and visit multiple doctors, and the second half of the year has been my sister's turn. My best friend called to tell me her grandfather was in the hospital with an abscess on his spinal cord and they did surgery a few days ago; another close friend's grandfather has been diagnosed with kidney cancer; and my dad coworker's daughter fell a week ago, and is now paralyzed, and she is only a year older than me. Sometimes I have to just sit down and have a good cry because I worry about my loved ones and this girl I do not even know. But I realize I have so much to be thankful for: my own health has improved and for the most part my grandparents are healthy; my sister is improving by leaps and bounds each day; and I have family and friends who have been there for me through the tough times and now I can be there for them.
There are two songs that I have taught my 3-year choir which talk about being thankful: "Thank You, God"and "Thanksgiving Day". I do not know any adult songs for Thanksgiving; I could sing you songs about turkeys and pilgrims but they are still children songs. The kids sure have fun when we sing them and they may not always understand the message, but it has certainly hit home for me this year.
I find myself singing hymns sometimes and the most common one is "Victory in Jesus"; I learned it when I was little. So many times now I have sung it without actually listening to the words, but the other day I was at home by myself thinking about my friends. I was remembering how scared I was when my sister was in the hospital and when my grandparents have been in the hospital, and I was getting ready to call them to say something encouraging. This song came to mind and as I sang it I really listened to the words. I was reminded that the lesson it teaches is something I have learned not so long ago: because Jesus one victory on the cross I can have peace of mind that He will take care of things here too. I wrote a paper recently and I quoted a journal entry of mine in which a basically stated that my chronic pain had not won but Jesus did on the cross. I think this must be why this song speaks to my heart and always comes to mind whether I am going through a difficult time or I am happy, since I do have victory because of Jesus.
My favorite hymn has to be "Great is Thy Faithfulness," another hymn from my childhood. I have often thought that I want this song sung at my funeral because not only has it been an inspiration and encouragement to me for many years, but it would be an encouragement to my family and friends. Both of these hymns talk about being thankful and realizing how much grace we have been given. Usually after the death of a loved one I sing this to myself as I go to sleep at night, and I have also sung it in other times of sorrow and crisis; but most importantly, I sing it when the crisis is over. I think at first I enjoyed this hymn because the music is so beautiful but then the words started to take shape and applied to my life so perfectly that I could not help but sing it. This Thanksgiving as we gather together as a family and as we remember those who live far away, we treasure our family and friends more that this year, I know I do. The gratefulness I feel does not comes just one day of the year, it resides throughout.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Life Is Precious
There is a wonderful song by MercyMe called "Bring the Rain" and what I like so much about the song is it begins with the singer being posed the question how he can continue to praise God after everything he has been through. I have been asked this same question, and I have to admit that even through the worst times it rarely occurred to me to stop trusting, praying, and praising the Lord. People also asked me how I could keep a smile on my face when I was in chronic pain but honestly, I had a deep joy that came from within and the pain could not destroy it. This may sound like a typical Bible school answer to a question, but I have experienced great joy and great suffering during the last few years and I can say that like the singer I can ask for God to send me whatever is going to bring Him glory, knowing that there will be rainy days. As I have written before, I would not trade these experiences for the emotional and spiritual maturity that I have gained and I prayerfully say, "Jesus bring the rain."
I do not know much music by Wes King but there is one song of his that plays on the radio that I love to sing along with: "Life Is Precious." This upbeat song reminds me that I am only passing through on my way to Heaven but I know who come along to and it makes life worth living. It is also a reminder that I am saved by the blood that was shed for me on the Cross and it is the truth I live by. This is the most fun song to listen to and if you are having a bad day it is a good reminder that they really are a million reasons to celebrate.
Steven Curtis Chapman has some of the best songs and one of my favorites is "Live out Loud." I have been given the greatest gift and I have to agree with him that I want to get on a mountaintop and scream about it to the world. It says how can a bird not fly after it's soared in the sky and having the faith experiences I have, I want to share them with everyone! When I was looking up the lyrics I found the music video also; I recommend taking a look at it because it is a lot of fun. Now if only everyone responded similarly when they were shared the Gospel, and if only everyone had the guts to live their lives so there was absolutely no doubt who they belonged to and how excited they were about living. La, la, la live out loud - make the most of life! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJNixHQ4sAc
The radio stations play DC Talk some, but it is an old band now; TobyMac was once a part of it. There is something very raw about the song since the speaker has not chosen to consistently live "In the Light" yet. He says he is the king of excuses and keeps asking what is happening inside himself because he cannot stand his own behavior; yet he does know what needs to change because when he tries to do things on his own he ultimately fails. It's as if he is talking to a friend and saying that he wants to be like this friend who is walking in the light. This song is a reminder that we are all sinners and we all need saving grace; this upbeat tune is a reminder of the balance we each try to find between our natural sinful selves and living in the light of Christ, shining like the stars in the Heavens.
I do not know much music by Wes King but there is one song of his that plays on the radio that I love to sing along with: "Life Is Precious." This upbeat song reminds me that I am only passing through on my way to Heaven but I know who come along to and it makes life worth living. It is also a reminder that I am saved by the blood that was shed for me on the Cross and it is the truth I live by. This is the most fun song to listen to and if you are having a bad day it is a good reminder that they really are a million reasons to celebrate.
Steven Curtis Chapman has some of the best songs and one of my favorites is "Live out Loud." I have been given the greatest gift and I have to agree with him that I want to get on a mountaintop and scream about it to the world. It says how can a bird not fly after it's soared in the sky and having the faith experiences I have, I want to share them with everyone! When I was looking up the lyrics I found the music video also; I recommend taking a look at it because it is a lot of fun. Now if only everyone responded similarly when they were shared the Gospel, and if only everyone had the guts to live their lives so there was absolutely no doubt who they belonged to and how excited they were about living. La, la, la live out loud - make the most of life! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJNixHQ4sAc
The radio stations play DC Talk some, but it is an old band now; TobyMac was once a part of it. There is something very raw about the song since the speaker has not chosen to consistently live "In the Light" yet. He says he is the king of excuses and keeps asking what is happening inside himself because he cannot stand his own behavior; yet he does know what needs to change because when he tries to do things on his own he ultimately fails. It's as if he is talking to a friend and saying that he wants to be like this friend who is walking in the light. This song is a reminder that we are all sinners and we all need saving grace; this upbeat tune is a reminder of the balance we each try to find between our natural sinful selves and living in the light of Christ, shining like the stars in the Heavens.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Mercy, Grace, and Peace
In honor of my sister, I am going to post about one of our favorite songs:
My sister showed my mom and me this music video of Mary Mary singing "Shackles" (Praise You) and we fell in love with it immediately. Whenever it comes on the radio I always turn up the volume and sing along. So I knew when I wanted to write about the song I had to include the link because the music video is so awesome. As I was watching it again I was listening to the words and I realized it really fits the situation right now: it talks about praising God in all circumstances; everything going wrong at the same time but in the same stanza it says basically to ask God to lift the load because you cannot do it anymore - He will, He will get you through. Going through fire and rain describes the last few years for me but I have made it through and one thing that stands out is that through all of it I always praised God even when I could not understand and my heart wanted to break. The most important part of the song is a reminder that God has broken the chains and we are free to dance and praise Him because no matter what we are going through He is right there with us. My sister is still sick, but slowly recovering; people continue to ask us what they can do for us and I wish I knew of something, but the one thing I hear my mom and dad say, as well as myself, is prayer and that is all you need. I finally have found joy and feel like have a reason to sing, not just because I am saved by amazing Grace, but I have found solace and peace in writing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRayKxgePQI
TobyMac's "Lose My Soul" is a big hit and uses the combined talents of Mandisa and Kirk Franklin. It is easy to talk about being a Christian but it is another when you actually live the life; one thing I like about his song is he talks about being a faithful husband, being part of his kids lives, and being an artist who rises above the general population and keeps his values in his music and his life. This is a great combination of vocalists and it it uses both rap and contemporary instruments to achieve a really cool effect that makes you remember the song and enjoy it and want to the sing and dance along.
Phillips, Craig and Dean are another one of my favorite bands and "Mercy Came Running" is a big of theirs. I love the imagery of what it must have been like when Christ was crucified and raised from the dead, and the earth began to shake and the veil that separated humans from God was physically torn, symbolizing the change that had occurred. Then the songs says that mercy came running like a prisoner set free, and came to all of us, came to me, when I could not do it on my own. When I screw up and make mistakes I think about this song and remember that I am always able to be forgiven and if I am willing to admit my sin, mercy and grace will come to me from God. This is a fantastic song, by far one of my favorites. I think I probably have 10 or 15 favorite songs but each of them has something special that gives me joy and peace and reminds me that I am not alone in this world even when things are falling apart and I make mistakes.
My sister showed my mom and me this music video of Mary Mary singing "Shackles" (Praise You) and we fell in love with it immediately. Whenever it comes on the radio I always turn up the volume and sing along. So I knew when I wanted to write about the song I had to include the link because the music video is so awesome. As I was watching it again I was listening to the words and I realized it really fits the situation right now: it talks about praising God in all circumstances; everything going wrong at the same time but in the same stanza it says basically to ask God to lift the load because you cannot do it anymore - He will, He will get you through. Going through fire and rain describes the last few years for me but I have made it through and one thing that stands out is that through all of it I always praised God even when I could not understand and my heart wanted to break. The most important part of the song is a reminder that God has broken the chains and we are free to dance and praise Him because no matter what we are going through He is right there with us. My sister is still sick, but slowly recovering; people continue to ask us what they can do for us and I wish I knew of something, but the one thing I hear my mom and dad say, as well as myself, is prayer and that is all you need. I finally have found joy and feel like have a reason to sing, not just because I am saved by amazing Grace, but I have found solace and peace in writing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRayKxgePQI
TobyMac's "Lose My Soul" is a big hit and uses the combined talents of Mandisa and Kirk Franklin. It is easy to talk about being a Christian but it is another when you actually live the life; one thing I like about his song is he talks about being a faithful husband, being part of his kids lives, and being an artist who rises above the general population and keeps his values in his music and his life. This is a great combination of vocalists and it it uses both rap and contemporary instruments to achieve a really cool effect that makes you remember the song and enjoy it and want to the sing and dance along.
Phillips, Craig and Dean are another one of my favorite bands and "Mercy Came Running" is a big of theirs. I love the imagery of what it must have been like when Christ was crucified and raised from the dead, and the earth began to shake and the veil that separated humans from God was physically torn, symbolizing the change that had occurred. Then the songs says that mercy came running like a prisoner set free, and came to all of us, came to me, when I could not do it on my own. When I screw up and make mistakes I think about this song and remember that I am always able to be forgiven and if I am willing to admit my sin, mercy and grace will come to me from God. This is a fantastic song, by far one of my favorites. I think I probably have 10 or 15 favorite songs but each of them has something special that gives me joy and peace and reminds me that I am not alone in this world even when things are falling apart and I make mistakes.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
One Step at a Time
I mentioned earlier Jordan Sparks' "One Step at a Time," but I think it really relates to what I am going through right now also. My sister's recovery has been very slow, much slower than we anticipated but as the song says, you take life as it comes and find out the reasons later. Hopefully, one day we will know something that has come out of her illness; for now, it is bringing us closer together as a family. Another thing I am having to go slowly about is finding a job. My mom has told me when the right job comes along I will know it and until then should not stress about it, and she is right.
Another song on her debut album that I enjoy is "God Loves Ugly." Now, it it does not take a genius to figure out what the song is about, but the reason I enjoy it is because she mentioned how someone has told her that she is worthless, not special, nor pretty and she believed them and lived her life according to that idea. But, God showed her that He loves her and He think she is beautiful and it's made all the difference. In my own life, a few years ago I was sick and dealing with excruciating pain, but some high school boys took it upon themselves to make fun of me. I tried to let it roll off my back and not think much about it but it did make an impression because it was a point in my life when I was very uncertain about my health and my future, and them nicknaming me "Cripple" did not help. It has taken me a long time to realize the impact their ridicule had because I did my best to ignore their comments, but it did make me uncertain about how other people would treat me when I told them I was in chronic pain. Thankfully, not everyone has acted like those boys in high school and the reason I am writing about this is because I think it's important for people to realize, whether they have gone through something like me or not, they should not take their gratification from the world. You do not need a guy to tell you that you are beautiful, you need to know it for yourself. Now, it is nice to receive compliments but when we receive criticisms we need to know which ones to pay attention to and which ones to trash and never think about again.
There are two of Nicole C. Mullen's songs that I absolutely love it every time I hear them I get goosebumps. One of them is "When I Call on Jesus" and it talks about the power of God and that He answers prayer. I mean, the Bible says you need faith as small as a mustard seed, which is about the size of the tip of a pencil, and you can move mountains and that is what this song talks about - anything is possible when you call on Him for help. Another one of my favorite is "My Redeemer Lives" which is a wonderful reminder that our Savior is alive. No matter what I am going through these songs are always inspirational to me and watching my sister be sick and in pain has been very difficult, but I know whose hands she's in and I do not have to worry about her. The entire Christian faith is based around Jesus rising from the dead and on the final day of the world if it was all false then there was no reason for anything, simply a waste of time, but if it is true, it will make all the difference. So, I am sure somebody wonders how I can am sure, and I have to say that it is because of what has happened in my own life. I cannot divulge here what I have gone through, but I can tell you that if I did not have faith in Christ, life would simply not be worth living. There will always be skeptics but I know the changes that have occurred in my life because of my relationship with Christ, and I know that he has gotten me through incredibly difficult and painful situations that I most certainly would not have wanted to go through if I did have Him to lean on. I have to wonder how people survive and live meaningful lives without a relationship with Christ, without some hope for life after death. Is that all random and is it a one time shot? Or is there something more to life and is there a bigger purpose?
Another song on her debut album that I enjoy is "God Loves Ugly." Now, it it does not take a genius to figure out what the song is about, but the reason I enjoy it is because she mentioned how someone has told her that she is worthless, not special, nor pretty and she believed them and lived her life according to that idea. But, God showed her that He loves her and He think she is beautiful and it's made all the difference. In my own life, a few years ago I was sick and dealing with excruciating pain, but some high school boys took it upon themselves to make fun of me. I tried to let it roll off my back and not think much about it but it did make an impression because it was a point in my life when I was very uncertain about my health and my future, and them nicknaming me "Cripple" did not help. It has taken me a long time to realize the impact their ridicule had because I did my best to ignore their comments, but it did make me uncertain about how other people would treat me when I told them I was in chronic pain. Thankfully, not everyone has acted like those boys in high school and the reason I am writing about this is because I think it's important for people to realize, whether they have gone through something like me or not, they should not take their gratification from the world. You do not need a guy to tell you that you are beautiful, you need to know it for yourself. Now, it is nice to receive compliments but when we receive criticisms we need to know which ones to pay attention to and which ones to trash and never think about again.
There are two of Nicole C. Mullen's songs that I absolutely love it every time I hear them I get goosebumps. One of them is "When I Call on Jesus" and it talks about the power of God and that He answers prayer. I mean, the Bible says you need faith as small as a mustard seed, which is about the size of the tip of a pencil, and you can move mountains and that is what this song talks about - anything is possible when you call on Him for help. Another one of my favorite is "My Redeemer Lives" which is a wonderful reminder that our Savior is alive. No matter what I am going through these songs are always inspirational to me and watching my sister be sick and in pain has been very difficult, but I know whose hands she's in and I do not have to worry about her. The entire Christian faith is based around Jesus rising from the dead and on the final day of the world if it was all false then there was no reason for anything, simply a waste of time, but if it is true, it will make all the difference. So, I am sure somebody wonders how I can am sure, and I have to say that it is because of what has happened in my own life. I cannot divulge here what I have gone through, but I can tell you that if I did not have faith in Christ, life would simply not be worth living. There will always be skeptics but I know the changes that have occurred in my life because of my relationship with Christ, and I know that he has gotten me through incredibly difficult and painful situations that I most certainly would not have wanted to go through if I did have Him to lean on. I have to wonder how people survive and live meaningful lives without a relationship with Christ, without some hope for life after death. Is that all random and is it a one time shot? Or is there something more to life and is there a bigger purpose?
Saturday, November 1, 2008
When It Rains It Pours
Have you ever heard that expression before? That would explain my life right now and it is the reason it has been a month since I have posted. Between my own health problems, the demands of school, and my sister being sick and in the hospital, I have been preoccupied. Although it has been an extremely stressful time in my life, there are a few songs that touched my heart and helped me to continue holding on, knowing that God is in control even when life seems to be spinning out of control.
It is hard to even begin to explain what has been going on, but like I have told my friends and family the only thing I know to do is pray. It has been so wonderful to have a church family who is so supportive, people call to check on my sister and tell us they were praying for us. There was nothing more they could do, but prayer is enough. Steven Curtis Chapman has a song "Let Us Pray" which adequately describes what I feel. The chorus is
Let us pray, let us pray, everywhere in every way
Every moment of the day, it is the right time
For the Father above, He is listening with love
And He wants to answer us, so let us pray
and so we did. Now she is home and recovering; and I am doing alright.
Avalon's "The Glory" is a beautiful song that tells the story of what Christ did for us; as I listen to it I am reminded that He is in control and of His great love for us. I may not understand what is going on but I can know that it is going to turn out in my best interest.
The dream of something beautiful like a child on her wedding day, laughing so hard you cry, and true love, suddenly all of these things are obtainable. The Newsboys sing "Something Beautiful" which brings alive the idea that you can find beauty in this world with all its flaws, and I love this idea. Newsboys is such a great group and I love their music; they have a rock base but with a softer, appealing factor. Watch their great music video and you will see what I mean: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBJVrkRxIJQ&feature=related
It is embarrassing to think and admit that we make mistakes but it is true. That is why the song "Clumsy" by Chris Rice is so important: he explains that even after 30 years of living he still falls for temptation and tries to do the right thing but fails. The song hits home because it talks about you make a mistake and feel useless, but he is right when he says that it's okay because God is making us holy and He is using our mistakes to help us grow. I think this is a lesson everyone can learn even though it is a difficult and painful one.
TobyMac is a fabulous artist and one of my favorite songs right now is "Made to Love You." I wish I could describe the beat of the song and the way he performs it because it is unique and makes me like it even more as it fits the message. It is a reminder that we were made to love Christ and He created us in order to love us. Again this song talks about life being overwhelming and feeling like God put us in the middle of something we cannot handle, but it is important for us to remember that we were created for love and therefore there is no reason to worry about what life throws at us. Our Father will never abandon us, nor allow anything to come that we can not handle with Him by our side.
Can you tell that I have grown from this experience? I can say very honestly that it has been a challenge and I have struggled because not only have I been in pain physically, it has been emotionally painful watching my sister suffer and knowing there is nothing I can do. Stress is a very powerful weapon, but God turned it around and helped me to see that it He is in control. His continual lesson to me seems to be patience because everything in my life takes time to resolve. I have found peace, I always had peace in my heart knowing that He was in control, but I worried and was upset; somehow God has a way of turning these bad situations around and this is one example.
It is hard to even begin to explain what has been going on, but like I have told my friends and family the only thing I know to do is pray. It has been so wonderful to have a church family who is so supportive, people call to check on my sister and tell us they were praying for us. There was nothing more they could do, but prayer is enough. Steven Curtis Chapman has a song "Let Us Pray" which adequately describes what I feel. The chorus is
Let us pray, let us pray, everywhere in every way
Every moment of the day, it is the right time
For the Father above, He is listening with love
And He wants to answer us, so let us pray
and so we did. Now she is home and recovering; and I am doing alright.
Avalon's "The Glory" is a beautiful song that tells the story of what Christ did for us; as I listen to it I am reminded that He is in control and of His great love for us. I may not understand what is going on but I can know that it is going to turn out in my best interest.
The dream of something beautiful like a child on her wedding day, laughing so hard you cry, and true love, suddenly all of these things are obtainable. The Newsboys sing "Something Beautiful" which brings alive the idea that you can find beauty in this world with all its flaws, and I love this idea. Newsboys is such a great group and I love their music; they have a rock base but with a softer, appealing factor. Watch their great music video and you will see what I mean: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBJVrkRxIJQ&feature=related
It is embarrassing to think and admit that we make mistakes but it is true. That is why the song "Clumsy" by Chris Rice is so important: he explains that even after 30 years of living he still falls for temptation and tries to do the right thing but fails. The song hits home because it talks about you make a mistake and feel useless, but he is right when he says that it's okay because God is making us holy and He is using our mistakes to help us grow. I think this is a lesson everyone can learn even though it is a difficult and painful one.
TobyMac is a fabulous artist and one of my favorite songs right now is "Made to Love You." I wish I could describe the beat of the song and the way he performs it because it is unique and makes me like it even more as it fits the message. It is a reminder that we were made to love Christ and He created us in order to love us. Again this song talks about life being overwhelming and feeling like God put us in the middle of something we cannot handle, but it is important for us to remember that we were created for love and therefore there is no reason to worry about what life throws at us. Our Father will never abandon us, nor allow anything to come that we can not handle with Him by our side.
Can you tell that I have grown from this experience? I can say very honestly that it has been a challenge and I have struggled because not only have I been in pain physically, it has been emotionally painful watching my sister suffer and knowing there is nothing I can do. Stress is a very powerful weapon, but God turned it around and helped me to see that it He is in control. His continual lesson to me seems to be patience because everything in my life takes time to resolve. I have found peace, I always had peace in my heart knowing that He was in control, but I worried and was upset; somehow God has a way of turning these bad situations around and this is one example.
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